An Open Letter to Murphy

Dear Murphy,

As you are aware, we have come across each other twice in the past two days outside our respective yards whilst out for walks. As you also know, I have not treated you with the respect you deserve.

When we are in our yards, we are protected. You by the fence, and I by my self-choking leash. Yes, we bark at each other, but we know we are safe in our own yards.

However, yesterday and today when we saw each other on the street, you clearly took the high road, and I clearly took the low road. Both times. You wanted to sniff politely and perhaps to play. I wanted to eat you. I realize my behaviour was barbaric, uncouth, and completely unacceptable. But I can't help it.

I'm sure you are a very nice dog. My people say you are, so you must be. But when I see you, something inside me snaps and I become determined to start a dogfight with you. I know, I know... it's 100% unreasonable. You have been nothing but a perfect gentledog and I have been very unfair in my attitude toward you. When I think about it now, I know I would much rather play with you than eat you, or even fight you, but like I say... some sort of chemical clearly gets released in my head that makes me go bananas. (B-A-N-A-N-A-S.)

Murphy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for constantly dropping my Jekyll and Hyde routine on you. I'm sorry I can't control my behaviour any better. I'm sorry if I embarrass you at all on the street. I would like to be friends. I will try to be a better dog.

Sincerely,

Radar (the dog in the house behind you... sort of to your right... the dog on the left is Stanley)